Missing a Friend

I’ve had something on my mind for a good long while now and no matter which way I look at it it’s difficult to deal with. What do you do when you have someone that you care a lot about, in a close friends way, but it appears more and more that they don’t seem to feel that way about you?
Or if they do, they decline to show it.

I’ve had this friend since 2013, I’ll call them Scot, and we were very close from the beginning. Always talking each day, helping each other through problems, always talking about our days and just generally giving each other a good laugh when needed and a shoulder to cry on. I think I can safely say that they are one of the closest people I hold dear to me, just like I would with my family.
They’ve been going through some trouble recently, other rather the past year or so, and I’ve been left a little out in the cold as to where I stand with them. Nothing happened between us to stop us talking as far as I know and everything seemed to be going well. Things in their life seemed to be a little tricky and they decided to take some time off of the internet and I can only assume focus more time on things that make them happier. That is what I hope anyway.
I don’t in any way decry people doing what they think is right to make themselves happier, that’s the number one person they need to look out for after all especially when it comes to mental health. Happiness is important and I wish that for everyone.

Because of that I’ve not been able to talk to them, even so much as one reply, in about four months now. Before that it was the rare, one message reply every so often or saying they can’t talk because they’re either busy or with other people. It’s been a painful time not being able to converse with my best friend about major things happening in my life that I want to share. Being married and sorting out the visa which is nearing completion, buying my own house and finally being a little more independent, sharing trouble in life and work and finding some good solutions or perspectives. I would love to hear about their life too, how things are going for them, plans for the future, anything.
For someone to be there for almost ten years to suddenly disappear with no clue as to what happened or when they’ll be back, if they even will be, really is a hard thing to go through no matter if you think it may be trivial or not. There is a hole in my life now because of it and things just feel a little off. I of course have my family, my wife, my friends and such but to have a best friend go AWOL is confusing and in a way hurtful. It’s like they just packed up their life and left a note saying “need time to get happy”. Then it sort of leaves the question of was I one of the things in your life that was making you unhappy? If not then why am I being avoided and not seen as a best friend I once was.

People have tried to help with their advice which I do appreciate. I’ve been told to forget about them because if they don’t have time for you then why should you have time for them. I’ve been told that I should let people go if it’s hurting me. I’ve even been told that I’m overthinking everything and things will just work out and if not then fuck ’em, they weren’t worth it.
But no matter which piece of advice I follow it doesn’t help. Not having any clue or answer as to why this is happening is always there in the back of my mind too which is the worst part. I don’t know whether it would be better or not for them to just say that they don’t want to be friends or that they do but the various reasons stop them. That at least gives me something to think about.
I actually had a friend a couple weeks ago write me a whole page on why they didn’t want to be friends with me which, while it did take me by surprise, at least gave me something to understand even if I disagreed with a lot of the points made.

I just want my friend Scot back and I also want them to be happy.
To be happy is the number one thing but it seems like it comes at the cost of being excluded.

While it may seem silly to write all this down on a blog, it helps me.